Dynamic Energy Control in the Real World: Lessons from an Overflow

Bottom Line

• Resisting reality is energetically costly.
• There are two main ways we routinely resist reality:

False Narratives

Unchecked Emotions

• When you’re resisting reality, call on your inherent wisdom to create wise narratives and compassionately investigate your emotions. Doing so helps align your perspective with what’s actually happening—and stops the unnecessary energy drain.
• I have a new respect for plumbers, and Ivan the Plumber is one of my heroes.
• Keep reading for the full story and lessons I learned from a shameful, stinky morning…

The Story

“There is no way this is really happening.”

That thought raced through my head as I stared at a toilet bowl about to overflow with feces. I was tired, grumpy, and at my in-laws, staring in disbelief at the childhood toilet my wife and her two sisters once shared in their cute Jack and Jill bathroom.

“This can’t be happening.”

Oh, the havoc me and my two boys can wreak. Back-to-back-to-back assaults on this toilet left it clogged and unwilling to be unclogged, despite my best efforts. In desperation, I kept plunging. I foolishly thought I might have fixed it. I flushed.

I’ll spare you the next ten minutes. Let’s just say I felt the full shame of every Ben Stiller character—from Greg Focker to Ted to Reuben Feffer.  Jen came to my aid, and after enough buckets of poo-water had been filled to contain the disaster, she brought sanity by saying it was time to call a plumber. I must have dialed the plumber bat phone, because less than 45 minutes later, my hero Ivan the Plumber arrived.  

By then, I could see how the situation was draining me. One of my rare weekends off was turning into an internal storm of grumpiness and shame—and I knew I’d sabotage the rest of the day if I didn’t get a handle on the narrative driving my thoughts and turning my negative emotions into a mood.

With Jen’s help, I shifted the story. I decided I wasn’t just going to have Ivan fix the toilet—I was going to get that bathroom in better shape for my in-laws, who have always been so kind and generous to me.  The shower hadn’t been draining well either, so I had Ivan take a look. He pulled out a huge hairball and other gunk, and boom—perfect drainage. He also diagnosed the real problem with the toilet: a decades-old sensor that had finally given out. We replaced it.

Emergency plumber visits aren’t cheap. But by the time Ivan left, and I could see how much better the bathroom experience would be for everyone, I felt lighter. I even started to see the humor in a morning I’ll probably never forget.

Next, I cleaned. Jen and her parents took the boys to meet their cousins while I stayed behind and made Jack and Jill sparkle.  No lasting damage, no poop smell, significantly improved function. The job was complete, and while I knew the embarrassment would linger, I also felt pride in a job well done and my ability to be generous.

Lessons Learned

Looking back on the morning, I see how much I was initially resisting reality—and how costly that resistance was.  Yes, there's also an energy cost required to deal with a tough situation. But when that energy is aligned with reality and your priorities, it’s life-giving.

Resisting reality is what drains us.
It’s like trying to run through mud.

But when our actions align with reality, it’s like being immersed in our favorite endurance activity—the kind of effort that actually feels good.

There are two main ways I’ve noticed myself resisting reality:

1. False Narratives

This includes everything from complaints to victim stories. These narratives can feel so true. But growth means learning to call yourself on your own B.S.

The whole idea of "this is my truth"—hold onto that phrase if you don't want to move forward. If feeling right supersedes your desire to grow, be my guest. Sure, feelings you have can be your own truth. But when you extend "your truth" into the external world, that's not wise and won't serve you or those you love.

2. Unchecked Emotions

Emotions are powerful and beautiful when felt fully and used to gain insight. But when we’re unaware of what they’re telling us—or when we indulge in anger or sadness because it gives us something—we get stuck.

That’s when emotions team up with ego (or whatever you want to call it) to distort reality.

The emotion turns into a mood. The mood becomes a filter. That filter bends everything you perceive—taking you further from what’s real and from your inherent wisdom.

Wrapping Up

In my case, I was lost in both: a negative narrative and unchecked emotions. It took time to recover.  But when I finally decided that generosity and a job well done were stories I’d rather live—stories that served me and those I love—things shifted.  By that evening, I was back to experiencing the world and my own sensorium with greater clarity and peace. My energy reserves were even back to a place where I had a great time that night at the wedding we were in town to enjoy, getting after it with one of my favorite activities that I rarely get to enjoy these days: embarrassing my beautiful wife on the dance floor.

Some questions to reflect on:

• How do you tend to resist reality?

• What helps you tune into what your emotions are really saying—especially when things get hard?

• What kinds of stories might help you shift your perspective in a way that serves you (and the people around you) better?

Thank you for reading!